just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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