So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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