Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Drunk is not a location!
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