i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
