i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
