Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
