and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
