put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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