fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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