Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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