Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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