Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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