It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You are the jesus of drinking
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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