worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
