Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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