clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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