She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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