I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
