No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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