We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
