I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
