i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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