i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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