I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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