who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
