ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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