beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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