Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
