Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
