Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
