this boner is exhausting
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
