Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
