You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
