Michael Bay diarrhea
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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