I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
