I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
