well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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