just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
