If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
