If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
