areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
