I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize