i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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