Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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