Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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