A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
