i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
