I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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