mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
