Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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