I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize