He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
