cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
