Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
