I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize