Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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