He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
