Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
