Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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