So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
