Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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