so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
