i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
