I am puke
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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