In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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