1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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