yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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