how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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