your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
