And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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